Moving to a Big Kid Bed

I’ll be honest with you; I have a three-year-old and I have no immediate plans to move her to a big kid bed. This is a BIG transition for both parents and toddlers. As a sleep coach, I see all too often that parents make this transition too early. This transition is not something that should be made on the whim. To make the transition of moving to a big kid bed as smooth as possible you need to have a solid plan for the “when” and the “how”!

When to move to a big kid bed

The when is just as important as the how! So don’t skip this section just because you think your toddler is ready. I know you want your toddler to successfully transition to a big kid bed so let’s make sure it truly is the right time.

• They already sleep well – this transition is SO much easier if your toddler is already falling asleep independently and sleeping through the night. I would recommend improving sleep while they are still in the crib before moving to a big kid bed.
• At least 3 years old – quite simply, a toddler under the age of three (maaaaybe two and a half) does not have the cognitive abilities to understand that they need to stay in their bed.
• Your toddler understands rules and consequences for not following the rules.

Do not jump the gun. If your little one is not sleeping well in a crib, the solution is not to move them to a bed.

New baby? Second crib.

A recent client told me that quality sleep is priceless and I am not about to disagree. The cost of a second crib is absolutely worth it if it means that your toddler will continue to sleep well. Forcing a transition on them that they aren’t ready for isn’t fair for either one of you.

The only exception to these recommendations is safety. If your toddler is throwing themselves out of the crib or they’ve reached the height limits, then you may need to move to a big kid bed earlier than either one of you are ready. But that’s okay! Just follow these next steps and expect the transition to take a little longer with a little more push back.

The 3 Possible Outcomes When Moving to a Big Kid Bed:

1. Hunky-dory: The transition goes well. Your child loves the new bed and doesn’t ever get out. Fantastic!
2. Honeymoon Transition: The transition goes off without a hitch…for a while. BUT! A few weeks later your toddler discovers their newfound freedom and starts getting out of bed.
3. Toddler on the loose: Your toddler immediately takes advantage of their newfound freedom, getting out of their bed within the first couple of night.

How to move to a big kid bed

The DOs

DO make a deal out of this milestone but not too big of a deal because that can cause overwhelm for your toddler. Get your toddler invested in the transition by allowing them to pick out their new bedding or help put the new bed together. Only inform them a day or two before. Toddlers are on a need-to-know basis. They don’t need advance notice – that gives them too much time for their excitement to turn into anxiety about the move.

DO ensure the room is safe in the event your toddler does get out of their new bed.

DO have patience. This is a major milestone so it’s important for us as parents to have patience with our littles during this often boundary-testing process. Toddlers love a good opportunity to test boundaries. And test boundaries at bedtime? They love that the most!

The DON”Ts

DON’T make any other changes besides taking the crib away and replacing it with the new bed. Same bedtime, same routine, same blanket, position the bed in the same place the crib was, say the same goodnight phrase.

DON’T lay with your toddler to help them fall asleep – this will quickly become a new habit you will have to change later. Trust me, this is a hard habit to break for both of you so the easiest way to avoid it, is to not start in the first place.

DON’T introduce a night light. This goes hand in hand with keeping everything the same. But it’s a common issue that happens so it deserves its own line! Darkness is always best for all humans.

DON’T make the move optional – once you commit to it, stick to it. Your toddler may ask to go back to their crib but don’t do it. This will only prolong the transition. Remember that you have already assessed that they are ready for this step so now you are sticking to your decision.

DON’T say this to your toddler: “do not get our of your big kid bed”, or any variation of this phrase. Your toddler may very well get out of their bed but you don’t want to be the one to have put that idea in their head. This is particularly important if your toddler was not getting out of their crib in the first place.

What happens if your child does get out of their bed.

Communicate the expectations. We tried not putting the idea in their head but toddlers are pretty smart, so they often figure this out on their own. That’s fine though – you can’t assume that your toddler will know that they are expected to stay in their bed all night when you haven’t told them yet. So you will walk your toddler back to their bed and explain to them that they are not to get out of their bed.

Once you’ve explained the expectations to your toddler, it’s time to reinforce the rules. If your toddler does get out of their bed I always offer one warning. Toddlers learn from repetition and consistency so reminding them of the rules is always fair. After the one warning, it’s time to consequence the behaviour.

Chances are you have already found a consequence that works for your toddler so use what works for them. It’s important that you choose an immediate consequence. Toddlers don’t have the capacity to understand that their current behaviour will have a consequence hours later (morning for example). Some examples would be to shut their door all the way or take a blanket away.

Not for the entire night…I’m not that mean. Just for a minute or two at a time. Enough to make the experience undesirable for your toddler so that they stay in their bed. With consistency and the right consequence for your toddler, they will learn quickly that when they follow the rules the door stays open or their blanket stays on their bed.

Another option that you have is to introduce rewards. This will work better for older toddlers (3 years +) that have a more in depth understanding of cause and effect. Lay out the expectations for bedtime and the middle of the night. If your toddler meets the expectations than in the morning you can give them a small reward.

I like to use small toys, stickers or crafts. If you are comfortable with food rewards that could be a possibility as well. Whatever you choose you have to keep in mind that the reward needs to be valuable to your toddler. Something worth following the rules for!

Get an okay to wake clock if your toddler is getting out of bed in the middle of the night and/or early mornings.

So remember…ensure you are making this transition at the right time for your toddler, follow the do’s and don’ts of moving to a big kid bed, and troubleshoot only IF your toddler starts getting out of their bed.

Know a mom friend who is making this transition soon? Send her this link.

Interested in working on this transition together? Set up a call with me and let’s chat about